During the past few years, I’ve had a love-hate relationship with prayer. A while back, I started experiencing internal conflict with this practice. I questioned whether God heard prayer, I wondered what the point of praying was. Did God change his mind when people prayed? Was it not all a waste of time? It all felt futile.
Ironically, my deep desire to pray did not leave me. The need for God was unshakable and the internal assurance and knowledge that God cared for me and others kept me tethered to prayer. While I wondered if/how God responded to my prayers, I did not doubt that God desired to come near me, to talk to me, or to help me grow.
During the last couple of years, I have been re-thinking and re-framing how I understand and practice prayer. I have found many ways in which I connect with God with joy and peace, instead of turmoil. Here’s what I have learned and how I have implemented the practice in my life:
Prayer without words
I have discovered that prayer is more of a positioning oneself before God than the words that we can utter. I loved Henry Nouwen’s words: “Prayer is not saying prayers but a way of living in which all we do becomes prayer. We indeed are called not just to say prayers but to live in a prayerful life.”. This speaks profoundly to my heart as I often feel my words are inadequate. I can adore God simply by witnessing beauty around me: in nature or art, for example. The recognition of the magnificence and creativity of God is prayer. I’m internalizing that not only my words, but also my thoughts, feelings, intentions, and dreams can be held in the presence of God, in faith and trust. This moves me from prayerful moments to a prayerful life which is much more the type of living I want to do.
Prayer as Friends
Jesus said he considers us friends (Jn 15:15). Friends who are intimate and loving desire to grow in mutual knowledge and understanding, as well as wishing and willing the best for the other. In my journey with God this translates into a conversational life of mutual revelation (which blows my mind every time I think about it). Prayer is the opposite of boring and static. It’s the adventure of a lifetime - to both hear God who is actively speaking to me, and to reveal myself to God as he helps me see who I really am.
Margaret Guenther says that prayer is a conversation and a good conversation is generous with each partner bringing the gift of attentiveness. Listening is as important and as dynamic as speaking. I am discovering new dimensions about God and about myself. For example, I had one experience in particular that surprised me, in a good way. One summer afternoon, when I went out on a short walk to be alone with God, I noticed myself pouring out my heart. I was hurting on behalf of my child who was undergoing a very difficult situation. I found myself talking to God, and yet, not really expecting a response. As I walked in silence, God showed me that what my heart really craved was the response of the Spirit, and that if I expected it, I would be more attentive to the voice of God. I became dissatisfied with my monologue and walked the rest of the way in silence. My faithful God did, in fact, respond in very unexpected ways. I came across a broken tree turned into a beautiful arch, I watched the dark clouds hiding the sun, I heard birds chirping; All of it had a specific message from God to me, in that moment, in my circumstances, and in my pain. I couldn’t have heard God any louder and it made me weep with gratitude. This experience made me excited to live more in conversation and less in monologuing with God.
Reflect
So I ask you, dear reader, some questions for reflection:
Are you feeling connected to God and to others through prayer in a way that is meaningful, fulfilling, and dynamic or are you feeling stagnant, bored, or frustrated?
When you think of prayer, which of these words ring true?
Joy, love, unity
Guilt, inadequacy
Apathy, disconnection, distrust
___________________ (fill in your own words)
Practice
If you are in need of a prayer life rehaul, may I suggest a few ideas to start with?
Make space to spend time in silence and solitude. I know this can be very hard if schedules or family life are maxed out, but where there’s a will there is often a way. We need silence and solitude to develop the ability to hear God and become more attuned to our own feelings and desires. Try it!
Stop once a day (minimum) to notice things. Simply notice. Notice a flower, notice a smile, notice a feeling, notice a smell. Keep a journal of things that you notice. It’s amazing how these observations become catalysts to liven our attention and infuse our prayer with insight and passion.
Choose truthfulness in prayer. Say to God what you really think, believe, or feel. God can take it. Ask all the questions, express all the doubts, wrestle! And as you wrestle, notice; Be open to hearing; Step out of the monologuing and believe that God wants to be heard, and more importantly, wants to transform you one step at a time.
I would love to hear ways in which God is meeting you.
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